Daily Haiku 2024

I wrote a haiku every day in 2024.

Jump to:

January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December

January

January 1

A haiku ev'ry
day in twenty twenty-four?
Fuck yeah, let's do this!

January 2

Liminal Christmas
time is over for me now.
To the grind anew.

January 3

It doesn't look much
like winter with all this grass.
A bit more snow, please.

January 4

It shouldn't be a
tough call to ban Nazis from
your service, Substack.

January 5

I hope y'all are in
for a good weekend out there.
Or at least not bad.

January 6

Oh please, sir, might we
return this ukulele?
We have too many!

January 7

My skates are rusty,
and so is my technique, but
the ice time felt great.

January 8

It's not that cold out,
so why do I feel frozen
in my heated home?

January 9

I love these funny
little wolves that we welcomed
into our houses.

January 10

Three hours long meeting
to start my workday today.
I'll get fuck all done.

January 11

Cory Doctorow's
Kickstarting another book.
Of course I backed it.

January 12

I'm excited to
see The Hypochondriacs
performing tonight

January 13

I could do laundry,
or wash all of these dishes
or play Baldur's Gate.

January 14

I want more tattoos.
I've got unclaimed real estate.
But what to get next?

January 15

Blue Monday's not real.
But winter can still be hard.
We all need some light.

January 16

We didn't get to
say bye to our wizard at
D&amd;D tonight.

January 17

The driveway is clear
and the chips are all eaten.
Another storm done.

January 18

Jolene told me you
left her an intense message?
You doing ok?

January 19

A drop of whisky,
then off I go to dreamland.
Wild Friday night here.

January 20

I'm twenty years late
but man Avatar the Last
Airbender is good

January 21

I agreed to meet
Monday at 7 AM?
Past me is a jerk.

January 22

Much like the werewolf
Warren Zevon sang about,
your hair was perfect.

January 23

I kinda forgot
how friggin' sick the bass is
in London Calling.

January 24

Stay frosty they said.
Advice easily followed
at twenty below.

January 25

Another Burns Night
wi' nae great chieftain o' the
pudding-race for me.

January 26

Happy 50th
birthday, Dungeons & Dragons!
Roll initiative.

January 27

It's kilted skate time!
Put on your pretty plaid skirts
and hit the ice, lads!

January 28

My weekend was nice
and now I have lasagne.
Also, I'm sleepy.

January 29

It'll all work out.
Good things come to those who wait.
Procrastination!

January 30

I didn't hydrate
very well at all today.
My throat is angry.

January 31

Taylor Swift is more
interesting than football.
It's not even close.

February

February 1

Sometimes counselling
just feels like I paid someone
to hang out with me.

February 2

It's Friday. Friday?
Gotta get down on Friday!
I am not prepared.

February 3

Sunny, not too cold,
what a lovely day for my
first ski of the year.

February 4

I don't often feel
old, except when my back hurts.
Then I am ancient.

February 5

It's getting late and
I haven't written this yet.
There, that's better now.

February 6

I don't want to write
about how tired I'm feeling,
but it's all I've got.

February 7

My great-grandmother
sued my great-grandfather for
getting her pregnant.

February 8

I got back to an
ignored short story tonight.
Five hundred more words.

February 9

Thrifting tomorrow.
What if Macklemore is there
with twenty dollars?

February 10

The Duolingo
owl's the superb one y'all are
talking about, right?

February 11

I just hope all of
the players are having a
nice time at the game.

February 12

More of the stem cells
that control my hair colour
have recently quit.

February 13

It's pancake Tuesday.
I completely forgot and
made a cottage pie.

February 14

All you need is love?
No, you need a lot of things.
But love's among them.

February 15

I've had Dreams by The
Cranberries stuck in my head
for a few days now.

February 16

This long weekend is
certainly welcome after
this pretty long week.

February 17

Twelve to eighteen hour
wait at the ER here now.
Our system is fucked.

February 18

I heard the patter
of Rab's wee sleekit beasties
in my walls again.

February 19

Sometimes life is hard.
Other times there's a sleepy
dog resting on me.

February 20

I had a Turkish
coffee and I can feel my
most of me buzzing.

February 21

Hey Jordan, I'm not
gonna make it tomorrow.
Sorry about that.

February 22

Always nice to fix
a bug in my code before
anyone spots it.

February 23

I probably should
not make a midnight milkshake.
It's mighty tempting.

February 24

I really don't think
Saturday night's all that great
for fighting, Elton.

February 25

Raspberry apple
crisp was a delicious treat.
I'll make that again.

February 26

It feels like spring here.
February's not supposed
to feel like spring here.

February 27

There should be more hours
every day just for reading.
Two or three at least.

February 28

I hope you're ready
for all the extra leaping
we'll do tomorrow.

February 29

Time to write myself
a little dopamine hit.
Get 'em where you can.

March

March 1

Oops, I just doomscrolled
for the last hour and a half.
Phoning this one in.

March 2

I can't recall an
early March with so little
snow or ice here. Fuck.

March 3

Pants cannot contain
my ass yearning to be free.
Another split pair.

March 4

I'm gonna take my
chances with the Ides of March.
How bad could that go?

March 5

Eleven o'clock.
You know where my haiku is?
It's right here, baby!

March 6

The house next door and
the one across are for sale.
Wanna be neighbours?

March 7

Tonight's D&D:
We found my long lost father!
And we got day drunk.

March 8

Patriarchy is
the root of a lot of our
total bullshit, still.

March 9

You ever get home
and discover your fly's down?
Accidental show.

March 10

I don't want to wait
six months to get that hour back.
What a dumb system.

March 11

Goodnight dog. Goodnight
plants. Goodnight fox. Goodnight socks.
Goodnight moon haiku.

March 12

I was productive
and I had great hair today.
I can have it all!

March 13

Brief panic, did I
forget to let the dog in?
He was on the couch.

March 14

It's pie day (pi day!)
I got to eat two kinds of
pie on this pie day!

March 15

Not one senator
has stabbed me at all today.
In your face, Caesar!

March 16

A day early, but
I made a Guinness beef stew
for St. Patrick's Day.

March 17

I wish I knew more
'bout my Irish ancestors.
Also the others.

March 18

These ubiquitous
distraction rectangles are
great and terrible.

March 19

It's a disco and
getting shit done kinda day.
(Ra-Ra-Rasputin.)

March 20

Me again, Jordan.
Tomorrow looks good for me.
Hope it does for you.

March 21

Ate a burger in
my car at the library.
Ketchup on the wheel.

March 22

I like to pretend
that I post these so late to
build some antici...

March 23

It might be time to
trim my ginormous moustache.
I can hide my mouth.

March 24

I'm exhausted. Here's
seven syllables and then
five more after that.

March 25

You might read a good
haiku tonight, but you're not
getting it from me.

March 26

Happy overplay
Jesus Christ Superstar week
to all celebrants!

March 27

Hello long weekend!
I'm planning to do fuck all
with a lot of you.

March 28

Just filed my taxes.
This might be the earliest
I've ever done that.

March 29

Days of spring rain mean
I temporarily own
lakeside property

March 30

There's new Beyonce
and a new Hozier EP?
What great days for ears!

March 31

Trans rights are human
rights, today and ev'ry day.
They always have been.

April

April 1

I don't mean to get
too controversial here but
kissing's pretty great.

April 2

I've lost track of which
day it is a bunch today.
Post-long weekend brain.

April 3

Hit the six-month mark
at my current job today.
So long, probation!

April 4

My basement is dry,
my shop vac and I resting.
But here comes more rain.

April 5

ADHD brain
fought really hard against me
writing this tonight.

April 6

This pea soup I made
is so thick it's not liquid.
I'm not mad 'bout it.

April 7

An eclipse could be
a really fun D&D
random encounter.

April 8

A total eclipse
AND Margaret Thatcher's still dead?
Great Rex Manning Day!

April 9

I didn't notice
anything unusual
in the sky today.

April 10

It's just bonkers that
anyone can look at Charles
and support the Crown.

April 11

Siobhan Thompson is
just perfect on Burrow's End.
Best karate boy.

April 12

Kiddo's report cards
are much better than mine were.
I'm so proud of him!

April 13

Nacho, nacho man
(Nacho man, yeah) I gotta
eat these nachos, man

April 14

Took my little nerd
to a nerd show so we could
nerd out with more nerds.

April 15

Nothing smashes my
patience like other drivers.
Why don't I bike more?

April 16

I'm getting my eyes
examined this afternoon.
I'd like new glasses.

April 17

Why should I go to
bed? Why can't it come to me?
This hardly seems fair.

April 18

What's good out there, y'all?
Read any great books lately?
Hear anything cool?

April 19

The Tortured Poets
Department: MFA in
Creative Writing

April 20

For a couple years
my MSN Messenger
status was Baked Goods.

April 21

Does anyone have
an anteater they could lend
me for a few days?

April 22

It's Earth Day. Damn, that
is a sweet Earth, you might say.
Hokay, I agree.

April 23

Tonight I get to
roll some dice and play pretend
with some of my friends.

April 24

I don't need to buy
that cigar box u-bass kit,
but who will stop me?

April 25

I did not expect
Microsoft to open source
MS-DOS today.

April 26

There are lots of good
looking days ahead of me.
Got my new glasses.

April 27

I'm indoorsy and
often forget how good time
in the forest is.

April 28

Today's nerd dad news:
Watched Holy Grail with my son.
He liked it a lot!

April 29

Bake Off inspires me
to pretend I'm gonna bake
so many nice things.

April 30

Woops it's late and I
should be getting to bed now.
Last minute haiku.

May

May 1

I suppose I can
put my shovels away now.
Not much chance of snow.

May 2

I hope that package
I ordered is enjoying
its Long Island tour.

May 3

College me would not
have had Guinness left from St.
Patrick's Day this long.

May 4

I wore my Star Wars
t-shirt earlier this week.
Sorry, fellow nerds.

May 5

May the 5th be with
you? No, that doesn't work but
Babylon 5 ruled.

May 6

Watching old College
Humor sketches for tonight's
procrastination.

May 7

I downloaded my
Google data. Fifty-six
gigs is a lot, y'all.

May 8

I could do without
this Spring allergies sore throat
and mild congestion.

May 9

My throat is less sore,
but the congestion is worse
than yesterday. Boo.

May 10

There was a flying
moose earlier in this book.
I hope it comes back.

May 11

Maybe this is the
time I'll stick with journalling?
My brain needs some help.

May 12

This time of year, I
think about Vanilla Ice.
Word to your mother.

May 13

As surprises go,
a new Childish Gambino
album's a good one.

May 14

My D&D group
is really bad at helping
the village we're in.

May 15

The longer I work
in tech, the more I think that
the Luddites were right.

May 16

Hours in a code fugue.
Impressive? No, just trying
to write a regex.

May 17

The groundhog that hangs
out in my backyard brought a
date this afternoon.

May 18

Tha mi a' faicinn
Bruce Fummey ann am Baile
Beag a-nochd. Glè mhath!

May 19

Monarchy is a
bad institution but I'll
enjoy the day off.

May 20

The dog is asleep.
He's got the right idea.
I should also be.

May 21

I'm eating chips in
my car after giving some
of my blood away.

May 22

I'd really like my
body to calm down a bit
about the pollen.

May 23

Mon fils se rend au
Québec avec sa classe pour
le week-end entier.

May 24

A robot brought me
sushi tonight. When they rise
up I'm on their side.

May 25

I was left alone
in a shop with used records.
Send financial aid.

May 26

My kid made it home
from his trip safe and well but
very, very, tired.

May 27

ACAB includes that
police dog on Paw Patrol.
I don't make the rules.

May 28

I'm up late because
D&D ran long tonight.
We fought some slavers.

May 29

Inconsiderate
fuckup disease strikes again.
I'm kind of a mess.

May 30

Zero's the number
of moose you want to meet on
country roads at night.

May 31

I hope you made sure
Feel The Noize was into it
first, Quiet Riot.

June

June 1

Wishing all queer folks
a great be gay do crimes month.
Pride was a riot.

June 2

I feel bad when I
have to cut down a tree, or
even just a branch.

June 3

Instagram's starting
to test unskippable ads?
So it can get worse.

June 4

I'm late this year, but
I've got seeds in the ground now.
Let's see if they grow.

June 5

Yeah, I've already
forgotten to water those
seeds that I planted.

June 6

I'll try to avoid
revenge procrastination
at bedtime tonight.

June 7

Nothing motivates
me quite like a deadline does.
Three minutes to spare.

June 8

I'm now done reading
the articles I bookmarked
back in '22.

June 9

The Wolastoq is
such an aptly named river;
bountiful and good.

June 10

Let's all dream about
me having done a better
job on this haiku.

June 11

Twenty-five hundred
dollar charge on my visa?
Bad surprise, dentist.

June 12

Tonight I'm getting
a lot more suspected spam
calls than usual.

June 13

I have a tooth that
grew in backwards. I learned this
fact in my forties.

June 14

My allergies weren't
so bad earlier today.
That sure took a turn.

June 15

I shouldn't watch a
bunch of Ted Lasso clips right
now. Maybe one more.

June 16

Happy Father's Day
to the dads. Happy Daddy's
Day to the kinky.

June 17

My son's school informed
me that we have an award-
winning child this year.

June 18

I wasn't built for
thirty plus degree heat, but
did not melt today.

June 19

Noam Chomsky is the
funniest choice for a dead
celebrity hoax.

June 20

Maybe it was a
mistake to heat our planet
as much as we did.

June 21

Today I got to
pet two dogs at the same time!
Tucker and Wonton!

June 22

Oh no! This Irish
red ale is tasty but it's
making me sleepy!

June 23

Falling asleep to
low rumbles of thunder and
rain on metal roof.

June 24

Julian Assange
is a modern day Thomas
Paine! - Britta Perry

June 25

New dose for my meds,
or as I like to call it,
adjusting my speed.

June 26

There was a dog at
the ice cream stand, as if ice
cream isn't enough.

June 27

On this day last year
I got a layoff notice.
Now I'm great elsewhere.

June 28

Why go to bed when
you can stare at your phone 'til
your vision's blurry?

June 29

I played the board game
version of Wordle today,
because I'm a dork.

June 30

Woah, we're halfway there!
Woah-oh, halfway through this year!
It's been a mixed bag.

July

July 1

I have no love for
this country but the day off
is nice, Canada.

July 2

What if Biden were
to catapult Trump into
the fucking ocean?

July 3

I should get a nice
crop of raspberries this year.
They're the best berry.

July 4

Oh, right, sunscreen is
actually important.
I've got a sunburn.

July 5

My dog is either
laying down or super jazzed.
There's no in between.

July 6

Oh there is something
in the air tonight, this rice
smells nice, risotto!

July 7

Back to work in the
morning, after a week off.
I'm feeling recharged.

July 8

My Duolingo
streak is seven hundred days.
Keep the owl at bay.

July 9

I played a stupid
paladin for a one-shot,
this D&D night.

July 10

Low effort tonight
Anyway, here's Wonderwall.
Today is gonna...

July 11

How'd you find yourself
here in this graveyard puddle,
little rubber duck?

July 12

Humans evolved butts
a couple million years back.
That was a great move.

July 13

Tonight seems like a
great night to just stay offline.
Take care of yourselves.

July 14

Happy Bastille Day
to that kid on The Simpsons
with the French mother.

July 15

Should I mow my lawn
more often? Yes. Will I though?
I probably won't.

July 16

The end of this heat
wave is finally in sight.
A couple more days.

July 17

Three grand is more than
I wanted to spend for work
on my car this year.

July 18

My brain and body
are moving slowly tonight.
My all of me's tired.

July 19

I'm cutting corners
la-la-la-la-la-la-la
just to get this done

July 20

Great bike ride today.
It's sunny with a nice breeze.
Pretty well perfect.

July 21

I've been offline most
of the weekend. Did I miss
anything of note?

July 22

I've had Suspicious
Minds stuck in my head for days.
I'm caught in a trap.

July 23

The maple tree in
my neighbour's front yard just lost
a gigantic branch

July 24

I got to book flights,
so I guess that fall work trip
to London is real.

July 25

There's gotta be a
topic for this lil fucker
around here somewhere

July 26

Sorry TLC,
we've got a few waterfalls
to chase this weekend.

July 27

The car's all packed up.
I'm ready to hit the road.
See you soon, Fundy!

July 28

Hiking is best when
there's a hot tub at the end
to soothe sore bodies

July 29

That might've been more
hiking than I should have done.
I regret nothing.

July 30

This is the second
of three or four short work weeks
in a row for me.

July 31

You ever find a
punchline but not the setup?
The Burts and the Bees.

August

August 1

Y'all feelin' some love?
Y'all let that into your hearts?
Y'all kissin' out there?

August 2

I saw nine crows on
the sidewalk, all trying to
pick up a chip bag

August 3

I've spent half the day
just chilling out and reading.
I should do this more.

August 4

I've ignored most of
my to-do list this weekend.
Tomorrow problems.

August 5

I feel the need to
get bass practice and yoga
back in my routine.

August 6

I don't know where this
headache came from but it can
fuck all the way off

August 7

Kiddo was at a
sleepover party last night.
He got zero sleep.

August 8

The command line is
there for when you want to raw
dog your computer

August 9

Come on phone, odds are
I don't mean to write I've crab
when ice cream exists.

August 10

Today started off
dark and rainy, but ooh did
it ever get good

August 11

There were floral jorts
at the thrift store yesterday.
I wasn't so bold.

August 12

Achievement unlocked:
Me and the kiddo now have
the same sneaker size.

August 13

I'm gonna knock this
late haiku out (Huuh)! Mama
said knock it out (Huuh)!

August 14

Check in with your tech
worker friends. GitHub is down.
Might be rough for them.

August 15

Bonne fête nationale
de l'Acadie à tous mes
ami(e)s acadien(ne)s!

August 16

Hey there, Cape Breton.
It's nice to see you again.
Ciamar a tha sibh?

August 17

I'm at a music
festival something something
Getting back to it

August 18

I saw my tattoo
on a building in Mabou.
It's pretty neat here.

August 19

Well, I'm home again,
home again, jiggety-jig.
Sleepity-sleep now.

August 20

That's, uh, that's a lot
of unread messages for
two days off from work.

August 21

Is this the year that
I sign up for a class at
The Gaelic College?

August 22

Nope, September is
an expensive month for me.
But maybe next year.

August 23

Mushroom risotto
is probably the best thing
I know how to make.

August 24

Too tired. Can't get through
the movie. Will they save the
last dance? Who knows man?

August 25

I definitely
used to have more spoons than this.
Where have they all gone?

August 26

Oasis getting back
together might be a fun
trainwreck to watch

August 27

Did Whitman say be
curious, not judgemental?
No, but great advice.

August 28

Undergrad me would
have seen Drunk History as
a great career goal.

August 29

It's after noon and
I'm just getting coffee now.
It's decaf, but still

August 30

How's it going in
Sanctuary District A
today, Gabriel?

August 31

You really nailed it
with Never Stop Blowing Up,
Dimension20

September

September 1

Man, is it just me
or did the summer go by
quite quickly this year?

September 2

Hooraybour day, it's
Labour Day! People matter
more than capital.

September 3

Today's the first day
of high school for my kiddo.
They grow up so fast.

September 4

The Western Roman
Empire fell on this day in
Four Seventy-Six.

September 5

Cooler weather means
some extra evening walks.
The pupcake approves.

September 6

Was just reminded
of the Hamburger Helper
mixtape. It still slaps.

September 7

It's easier to
write these damn things when I can
keep my eyes open.

September 8

The baby birds all
have a lot to sing about
this cloudy morning.

September 9

This time next week I'll
be in London. The real one,
not Ontario.

September 10

I'm not saying I'm
an old man but my back hurts
because I slept wrong.

September 11

I listened to my
Jefferson Airplane records
while I worked today

September 12

Just staring at these
blank lines doesn't fill them in?
Fine, I guess I'll write.

September 13

Thirteen is way too
many Fridays for one month.
Chill out, September.

September 14

I've rolled my clothing.
My backpack's only half full.
I'm travelling light.

September 15

First flight delayed due
to computer problems. We've
been given cookies

September 16

Back at the airport.
I hope I get to leave on
an airplane this time.

September 17

It's a faux pas to
sprinkle local words into
your speech, innit bruv?

September 18

You've been great, London,
but I'm keen to get back home.
I'll see you later.

September 19

Yer lad's on no sleep,
sitting alone in a tube
station at half-five.

September 20

I've really come to
appreciate a nice breeze.
That's fine work, nature.

September 21

Did you remember
remember the twenty-first
night of September?

September 22

Gotta give props to
Bologna Colorado.
That's a great band name.

September 23

There's no good writing,
nothing even half-decent,
left in me tonight.

September 24

Will wearing backwards
clothes à la Kris Kross ever
come back into style?

September 25

Let me just sneak in
here with a few syllables
right before midnight.

September 26

Whisky is one of
the more delightful liquids.
Like top three for sure.

September 27

Lots of love to my
dear friends Erin and Logan
on their wedding day

September 28

My brain stopped braining
but I still have to write this.
I should be asleep.

September 29

I started to write
this haiku yesterday, but
I've doomscrolled too long

September 30

My haiku today
isn't too good either, but
at least it's on time.

October

October 1

Who let me from the
past me set eighteen reminders
at work for today?

October 2

Who vandalizes
a public library? Huh?
You awful fuckers!

October 3

Today's my first work
anniversary at Snyk.
It's still going well.

October 4

I'm only seven
years younger than soon-to-be
grandpa Eminem.

October 5

My words aren't coming
together too well tonight.
Maybe tomorrow.

October 6

A cool used book store
but they don't accept plastic?
I should carry cash.

October 7

I don't think there's a
better interviewer than
Philomena Cunk.

October 8

It's been a blah day,
but now the rain has stopped and
I can walk the dog.

October 9

It's a watch a bunch
of NPR Tiny Desk
concerts kinda night

October 10

I check that my dad's
alive more often since he
moved to Florida

October 11

Thanks for the northern
lights pics. I chose the wrong night
to not look outside.

October 12

Ah geez, it's getting
late and I'm gonna phone one
of these in again

October 13

I barely got my
BA, how is this soda
a fucking doctor?

October 14

I don't really care
about Thanksgiving but I
am grateful for pie.

October 15

I think Gastronauts
might be the most fun cooking
show I've ever seen

October 16

Am I bad at this
game or is there a bug in
the tutorial?

October 17

If this is Thor's day,
how come there aren't more vikings?
He'd want more vikings.

October 18

Time to vote for a
candidate I like from a
party I don't trust?

October 19

It's decorative
gourd season, motherfuckers!
Shouldn't be this warm.

October 20

Hey New Brunswick, could
you make good choices when you
vote tomorrow? Please?

October 21

Higgs lost his own seat,
ahahahahahaha
ha, et cetera

October 22

Mowing my front lawn
this time of year is mostly
just mulching oak leaves.

October 23

Take your kid to work
day? Mine will be stoked to see...
**checks notes** his own house.

October 24

Knocked my Mastodon
server offline for a bit.
A PEBKAC error.

October 25

My eyes would like to
be done with computers now.
It looks nice outside.

October 26

I've had Bob Seger's
2 + 2 stuck in my head
for the past few days

October 27

Corn chips are no place
for a mighty warrior.
But they are tasty.

October 28

Turnips are harder
to carve than pumpkins are, but
they're much creepier.

October 29

Does anyone know
what I intended to write
about earlier?

October 30

I've almost finished
another lap 'round the sun.
I'd like many more.

October 31

The veil between worlds
is at its thinnest tonight.
Watch out for Fair Folk.

November

November 1

Earlier, I just
ended up walkin' in the
cold November rain.

November 2

Bananagrams is
way more fun than Scrabble is.
And I like Scrabble.

November 3

OK, now that we've
saved daylight again can we
stop messing with it?

November 4

Any snow that falls
tonight will melt by morning.
We're not cool enough.

November 5

Shit, I feel like I
forgot forgot something this
5th of November

November 6

Jesus Christ, what were
you thinking, America?
Just what the fuck y'all?

November 7

You guys wanna build
community and live our
values together?

November 8

It's just me and the
doggo at home this weekend.
Should be a chill one.

November 9

Braveheart is just as
bad as I remember it.
And I still love it.

November 10

Why do you want a
nap, body? We've hardly done
anything today.

November 11

I miss worrying
'bout dumb stuff like ghost trains and
my parents' divorce.

November 12

Need to sing alright
seventeen times in a row?
Try Hey Ya! today!

November 13

Your body, my choice
is the most vile phrase I've heard
in quite a long time.

November 14

Sometimes the world sucks,
but other times there's a nice
dog sleeping near me.

November 15

How is this month half
over already? Didn't
it just get started?

November 16

Gryff and I met three
new dogs on our morning walk.
Two of them puppies.

November 17

My dog ate a bag
of chocolate chips last night.
He's ok, but yeesh.

November 18

Like Garfield, I love
lasagna. Unlike Garfield,
I'm cool with Mondays.

November 19

I was in three stores
that sold chips today and I
resisted them all.

November 20

Annual recap?
We've got another six weeks
left, YouTube Music.

November 21

An expression I've
always found fun to say is
neato burrito.

November 22

My eyelids weigh three
hundred and fifty pounds each.
It's time to shut them.

November 23

Doctor Who's birthday
and Polyamory Day?
This feels made for me.

November 24

Whenever I see
a sponsored post on insta
I block the account.

November 25

There's now a fourteen
year old living in my house.
Happy birthday, kid.

November 26

She said I don't mean
to sound like an old cougar
but god you're handsome!

November 27

Half a foot of snow
forecasted tomorrow night.
Where's my shovel at?

November 28

It's too bad turkeys
can't understand Mitch Hedberg.
He had great advice.

November 29

Buy Nothing Day is
my fave part of the US
Thanksgiving weekend.

November 30

Tree's up. Nog's in me.
I've put on Christmas music.
It's getting festive.

December

December 1

We're down to the last
thirty-one of these fuckers.
The end is in sight.

December 2

Any Monday can
be Cyber Monday if you're
into cybering.

December 3

Why are so many
people wrong about how good
black liquorice is?

December 4

Our last D&D
game of the year was tonight.
We had two desserts!

December 5

Someone asked me if
that was Joseph Stalin on
my Ted Lasso shirt.

December 6

The Duolingo
owl has a juicy ass in
their year in review.

December 7

Started my Christmas
shopping today. Only for
myself, but that counts.

December 8

But as long as you
love me so, le tits now, le
tits now, le tits now!

December 9

We should give shepherds
more credit for their pie skills.
Amazing flex, y'all.

December 10

I ignored most of
my to-do list for today.
Sorry, future me.

December 11

Statler and Waldorf
as the Marley brothers was
great muppet casting.

December 12

My doctor told me
to watch my cholesterol
and triglycerides.

December 13

I bet that Die Hard
has more shots fired than any
other Christmas film.

December 14

It's a shame that the
Outlander theme song gets worse
every season.

December 15

More Christmas songs should
include a little witchcraft.
Thanks, Paul McCartney.

December 16

Frost in hair and beard
offer a preview of me
as an older man.

December 17

It's been raining, but
soon we'll get more snow again.
Winter is coming.

December 18

I've got two minutes
left in the day and no clue
what to write for this.

December 19

It's after midnight,
might as well get the next one
out of the way now.

December 20

I do love autumn,
but that's just about enough
of it for one year.

December 21

More darkness today
than on any other day.
There will be more light.

December 22

Good King Wenceslas
looked out, on the Feast of Steve.
It was pretty chill.

December 23

I'm glad that I took
tomorrow off. Storm's coming.
I'm leaving early.

December 24

This Christmas will be
so white I'm worried it will
steal all of the land.

December 25

Boy! What day is it?
Today? Why it's Wednesday, sir!
I haven't missed it!

December 26

My understanding
is that we're allowed to punch
each other today.

December 27

I'm back home again.
I've shovelled the driveway and
unpacked. Quiet time.

December 28

I get to meet a
new doggo this afternoon.
Hope your day's good too.

December 29

Back to work for one
day, then I have two more off.
Time doesn't feel real.

December 30

My resolutions
for the new year will be more
like guidelines than rules.

December 31

Another year done.
If anyone needs me, I'll
be in a hot tub.